Detachment

This started out as a response to an email, but I figured I might as well blog it so as to get more opinions on it.

Detachment is something I've wondered about a lot over the years, and figuring out what it really means is still an ongoing process. But here are some of my current thoughts on this concept.

First, lets consider the notion of detachment when it comes to the consequences of our actions. Often we commit a certain action, or make a certain decision, and then have expectations of what the result of that action/decision should be. However in many instances our expectations are not met, and can cause us a lot of grief. So you might be kind to someone, and expect them to be thankful, and it hurts you if they are not. Or you might decide to join the masters program at Stanford, and expect it will be a fulfilling course, and are disappointed when it is not. Detachment in these situations, I think, then boils down to ridding oneself of all expectation. And there are 2 reasons why one should do this. One involves realizing that in essence, we aren't really the doer of our actions - but rather, everything we do is enabled by God's grace. And so we don't really "own" our actions (or their consequences). Second, the consequences of any action are hugely influenced by the actions of other people, and existing circumstances - and so though we might expect a certain consequence, the interaction between different people's actions might result in something else. Therefore from both these perspectives, it makes sense to detach ourselves from expectation, and from the consequences of our actions. We do what we need to do in any situation - and then leave the consequences to God. I think there are a few more nuances to this, especially in relation to how the combination of prayer/submission/detachment can affect the consequences of actions, but I'll leave it at this for now.

There is a pretty famous verse from the Bhagavad Gita (one of the Hindu holy texts) where Krishna says,

"Karmanye vaadhi kaa raste maa phaleshu kadaachana
Maa karma phal hetu bhurma te sangostva vikarmani"

Loosely translated, this means, "You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty."

So though we can act, we are not the cause of the results of those actions - and so we should not be attached to them. This, of course, is not a reason to not act at all.

The other situation where detachment comes into play is when we talk of detachment from people/material objects - and here I see it largely in terms of being the opposite of attachment. For the longest time, however, this confused me a little - for, I wondered, does not being attached to people mean we don't love them? But I think there is a subtle difference between love and attachment - and here's my understanding of it. I believe one should love everyone to the utmost possible, as all religious teachings enunciate - but one should never be so attached to someone or something that it deters one from the spiritual path. Attachment can detract one from the spiritual path in two ways - one, we are so attached to someone that we expend all our energies on fostering that attachment, and have little left to focus on our spiritual growth. Second, in a situation where we are separated from the loved one (through distance or death), our attachment is so strong that it produces an intense sadness/depression that again causes one to lose sight of the broader spiritual objective. Therefore we need to find the right balance between love and detachment when it comes to all our relationships. And detachment of course does not mean that we do not express our love for someone, that we do not miss them when they are not with us, that we are not full of joy to be with them - but it does mean that all these feelings are never so intense that they cloud our vision, and are ultimately subservient to the greater goal of spiritual growth. As long as one always keeps that in perspective, one can find that balance between love and detachment.

Its interesting to think about how developing this attitude would affect our relationships/friendships with people. We would still continue to love them just as much, and do all we can do for them - but the greater spiritual perspective that detachment gives us would enable us to handle problems/separation with much greater ease, And ultimately if one has to let go of certain relationships because they contribute negatively to one's growth, or because other kinds of problems arise, it would be much easier to do so again, because the final objective would always remain at the forefront.

Attachment can also be expressed in other ways - one can get attached to one's dislike for certain things, or to inaction in certain situations. In general this sort of attachment can lead to rigidity, and prevents one from being flexible or accommodating. Its therefore important to realize why one holds on to certain things, or refuses to do certain things - whether it comes from holding on to a principle or value, or whether it arises purely from a personal dislike. For example, my holding on to eating vegetarian food is a matter of principle - but my dislike for eggplant is purely a psychological attachment. It is therefore probably better, in the longer spiritual run, to detach myself more from the latter.

All this is of course easier said than done :)